Friendships are unique, much like snowflakes. Some interactions might leave us feeling happy and energized, while others can make us feel understood and supported. Kasley Killam, a friendship expert from Harvard, explains that there are four different styles of friendships: butterfly, wallflower, firefly, and evergreen. She discussed these styles on The Mel Robbins Podcast, mentioning that knowing them can help us understand our relationships better.
The first style is the butterfly, which she illustrates with a painting. Killam describes butterflies as creatures that thrive on light, casual connections with others. A person with this style easily chats with people and enjoys being a vibrant presence at social events.
Next is the wallflower, represented by a sketch of yellow flowers. Killam explains that wallflowers prefer fewer, more selective interactions. They tend to listen more than they talk and may take time to feel comfortable in social settings. However, they are attentive and often good at empathizing with others.
The third style is the firefly, depicted through a colorful insect sketch. According to Killam, fireflies enjoy deep connections, even if they don’t socialize often. They prefer meaningful conversations over small talk and, like fireflies that glow briefly before disappearing, they relish those deep chats but also value their solitude.
Lastly, the evergreen is shown with a sketch of a tree. Killam points out that evergreens thrive year-round and are always looking for deep connections. People with this style maintain close communication with friends and family, engaging in profound conversations frequently.
Robbins notes that she recognizes these styles in her friendships and asks how understanding one’s friendship style can be beneficial. Killam explains that this knowledge leads to better self-awareness. It helps individuals identify their social preferences and comfort zones. She adds that knowing a friend’s style can prevent misunderstandings, as people have different needs for connection. Some may want frequent interaction, while others may prefer less contact, and recognizing this can improve friendships.
What friendship style do you think you have?
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Source: Upworthy, by Cecily Knobler