A private diary has become one of the most significant pieces of evidence in Lindsay Clancy’s murder trial, offering a deeply personal glimpse into the emotional struggles she documented in the months before she was accused of killing her three young children.
The journal, written by 35-year-old Lindsay Clancy, was never intended to be read aloud in a courtroom. Yet more than three years after the Massachusetts mother was charged with strangling her children, the diary has become a central focus of the trial as jurors try to understand what was happening in her mind before the tragedy.
Diary becomes key evidence
As testimony continues, both prosecutors and defense attorneys have pointed to Clancy’s journal entries to support very different arguments about her mental state in the weeks leading up to the deaths.
Prosecutors allege Clancy intentionally killed her children — 5-year-old Cora, 3-year-old Dawson, and 8-month-old Callan — on January 24, 2023.
Her defense does not dispute that she caused the deaths. Instead, attorneys argue she was suffering from severe postpartum psychosis after months of worsening mental illness and extensive psychiatric treatment, making her legally not responsible for her actions.
The journal entries, written long before the case captured national attention, provide an intimate account of the emotional pain she said she was experiencing.
“I feel like I’m drowning every day”
According to testimony reported by CBS News, prosecutor Shanan Buckingham read excerpts from Clancy’s diary after investigators recovered it during the criminal investigation.
The entries describe a mother who repeatedly felt overwhelmed while caring for three young children, particularly after the birth of her youngest son.
“Hearing him cry for over an hour and not intervening just about killed me. I even said the words ‘I want to die’ to Pat while he was crying,” Clancy wrote, referring to her now ex-husband, Patrick Clancy.
In another entry, she confessed:
“I feel like I’m drowning every day.”
Writing on November 18, 2022, she questioned whether her emotional distress was beginning to affect her physically.
“It’s like I’m so desperate to get a mental break from taking care of everyone that my mind is trying to make something physically wrong with me,” she wrote.
“I feel completely disconnected from my baby”
During cross-examination, defense attorney Kevin Reddington read additional passages describing worsening anxiety, depression, and insomnia.
“I now have horrible insomnia and anxiety which is causing depression,” Clancy wrote, adding that she was dealing with what she described as “crazy brain fog.”
“I have no appetite. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want help. I want to be well.”
Other entries focused on the emotional distance she felt toward her youngest child.
“I feel completely disconnected from my baby. I feel like I’m just going through the motions every day,” she wrote.
She also expressed guilt over the impact her condition was having on her marriage.
“I want to connect with Pat again. I know he needs it, and I need it.”
The diary entries were written months before prosecutors say Clancy asked her husband to leave the house on an errand, allegedly giving her the opportunity to kill the children before attempting to take her own life.
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Patrick Clancy: “Forgive Lindsay, as I have”
Despite losing all three of his children, Patrick Clancy has continued to publicly express forgiveness toward his former wife while remembering the person he says she was before her mental health rapidly deteriorated.
In a message shared through a GoFundMe page created after the tragedy, he encouraged others to show compassion as well.
“I want to ask all of you to find it deep within yourselves to forgive Lindsay, as I have.”
He continued:
“The real Lindsay was incredibly loving and caring toward everyone — me, our children, our family, our friends, and her patients. Love was at the core of who she was. My only wish now is that she somehow finds peace.”
Patrick has also filed a wrongful death lawsuit against several of Lindsay Clancy’s healthcare providers on behalf of their three children.
The lawsuit alleges she was prescribed at least nine medications — including Valium, Prozac, and Ambien — in the months before the killings and claims her treatment failed to stop her rapidly declining mental health. It also alleges Lindsay believed the medications were making her condition worse.
Lawsuit claims she heard disturbing voices
According to court filings cited by the Associated Press, Lindsay’s mental condition reportedly took a frightening turn in the weeks before the deaths.
The lawsuit claims she began hearing “a compelling and unfamiliar male voice” telling her, “This is your last chance,” and urging her that she needed to “take them” with her.
On the day the children died, the filing alleges the voices became even more disturbing.
According to the complaint, she heard, “This is your last chance. Kill the children so you can kill yourself.”
Another voice allegedly warned that her children would suffer if she died without them.
As the trial continues, the diary remains one of the most closely examined pieces of evidence, with prosecutors and the defense offering sharply different interpretations of what it reveals about Lindsay Clancy’s state of mind before one of the most heartbreaking family tragedies in recent memory.